This has been a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. This was only a test. If this had been an actual emergency, the attention signal you just heard would have been followed by official information, news or instructions.
Also, if this had been an actual emergency, the color bars on your screen would not have looked like dripping paint smears. (What was that supposed to be, anyway, some kind of postmodernist statement?)
And if this had been an actual emergency, the attention signal you heard would not have been a 60-second-long fart.
You sure you didn't drop acid or something?
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