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Baboons Typing

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What makes baboons better typists?

Dan Brown's highly anticipated new novel hit a snag on Tuesday when the "Da Vinci Code" author realized that the 50 monkeys he purchased to write the novel were, in fact, vicious baboons.

According to one of Brown's human assistants, the author realized the error within seconds of opening the first crate.

"You can pretty much tell the difference right away," said the assistant. "The monkeys that Dan normally uses – like the ones who wrote 'Da Vinci Code' – are placid, even friendly. But right away this thing tried to rip his face off. And once he saw the shackles – well – that's when things really got ugly."

Fortunately Brown was able to subdue the crazed primate with a tranquilizer dart and suffered only minor injuries. A corrected shipment of monkeys is being rushed to Brown's basement, where they will be chained to typewriters and fed a diet of leaves, insects and psychological abuse until they collectively produce a best-selling novel.

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