I Heart SF T-Shirt

Wait, where's my bike? I thought I parked it where that mangled tire is sitting. Huh? Nah, son, that can't be it. Wait... Maybe that is it. Oh, f**k, that's totally it! I forgot about the stupid quick-release!

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!! What do I do? Should I call 9-1-1? They must have a hotline or something for this, right? F**k dude, that was a $500 frame!

How was I supposed to know that leaving it outside of Frenchy's Adult Superstore overnight was a bad idea?? What am I, psychic? All I know is, if I see some crackhead homeless dude riding around on a custom Schwinn Paramount Series 8, I'm gonna totally bum rush his ass. Mark my words, dude.