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Wondering How To Defend Against Giant Apes?

Facing declining tourism ever since a giant ape ran amok in its downtown district, the city of New York has adopted a new slogan to lure back visitors: "New York: No Giant Apes Since 2005."

"I hereby declare this city to be void of colossal apes. As far as we know," said Spencer Ramsey of the New York Visitor's Bureau. He went on to say that he was "pretty sure the ape got the hint" last time, and that he has no reason to suspect he'll return, "especially not with a group of giant-ape friends."

Officials also stressed that in the unlikely event of the ape returning, they will be prepared. "Last time, we only had a handful of biplanes to attack it with," said Ramsey. "This time we'll have several more biplanes. And some giant bananas we can use to lure it back into the ocean. That's where it came from, right?"

After an aide whispered something in his ear, Ramsey excused himself to attend to a completely unrelated matter on Skull Island.

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