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Pave Lake Wobegon

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Why save Lake Wobegon when we can pave it?

The town of Lake Wobegon, Minn., known for its folksy, everytown charm, is considering a ballot measure that would call for its namesake lake to be paved and turned into a giant strip mall.

"Let's face it, only old people like Lake Wobegon -- the rest of us think it's a pile of insufferable shmaltz," said Darlene down at the Chatterbox Café. "And it hasn't changed since as long as I can remember."

Just about every town citizen under age 55 seemed to agree. "I just can't stand the way the lake sounds -- that wispy, baritone voice," said Rob Skoeglin, owner of Skoeglin's Five and Dime. "Almost like it's trying to put me to sleep, except it just makes me want to punch something."

Earl Dickmeyer, owner of the world's largest pile of burlap bags, agreed: "The lake acts like it's one of us, but I swear to God it's making fun of us. You can just tell that it's secretly full of hate."

Many citizens agreed that the lake is like one of those public radio shows that inexplicably just keeps going on and on.

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