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Pineapple Crossbones

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Just how serious is the threat of fruit piracy?

The tropical-fruit pirates have struck again! This time they knocked over the vegetable stand on Grove Street, owned by Pete Cargill.

“By the time I saw the pineapple-crossbones flag it was too late,” said Cargill. “They destroyed everything. Talking about how ‘this is a fruit town’ and I’m not welcome here.”

This is the sixth reported attack in the past month. Perhaps the worst attack so far was the raid on Jenny Simpkins’ canned-beat truck. “That was really gruesome,” said Agent Stan Herrera, head of task force investigating the pirates. “The ground is still stained red.”

“The pineapple seems to be their leader,” said Herrera. “But they divide their booty equally. Everyone from the gooseberries to the musk mellons get the same share.”

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