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Sewer Gator

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How did alligators take over New York City?

A rash of alligator attacks in New York City has prompted officials to declare an all-out emergency. Yesterday, the city announced the appointment of its first Gator Czar.

Long thought to be merely an urban legend, New York's "sewer gators" were proven all too real last May when a 10-footer jumped out of a manhole near the corner of West 34th and Broadway and devoured a cockerpoo in broad daylight.

Since then, New York's gator population has exploded, which experts believe is due to the reptiles developing a taste for rats, small pets, and overpriced fashion. A New York resident is now twice as likely to be attacked by an alligator as he or she is to get pooped on by a pigeon.

Biologically, the New York gators are similar to regular alligators, except they're ruder and think of themselves as the center of the universe.

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