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But her emails! WHAT ABOUT HER EMAILS?! Relax! We've got ‘em. That’s right, all of those missing emails. Or some of them anyway. They’re on this USB drive. Now, we know you have questions. Here are some answers.
1. How did you manage to get them? Let's just say it involved a little bit of digging, a little bit of luck, and a whole lot of blackmail.
2. What's in the emails? Ah, nice try! If we told you it would ruin the surprise.
3. Come on, just give me a taste. OK. On August 26, 2009, Bill apparently ate some leftover eggs benedict that had gone bad.
4. Ew. Don't worry, he pulled through.
5. So I take it there are no bombshells? We didn't say that.
6. So there are? Well, we didn't not say it either. We're just saying that we didn't say it. Guess we should have just said that we won't say.
7. I'm confused. Us, too. What were we talking about?
8. I forget. So could I get in trouble for reading the emails? Let's just say we wouldn't plan any international travel for a while, ha! No, seriously, we have no idea.
9. Uh, okaaaay. Look, we're not your lawyer; we're a t-shirt company. But we're pretty sure it's fine.
10. Does this mean my Uncle Rick will finally stop saying "But her emails!" every time we argue about Trump? We have a feeling he'll continue to do that regardless.
11. Is this whole thing some kind of joke? Yes.
12. Can I use this USB drive for other stuff? Yeah! Surprisingly the emails only take up a little bit of space, so you have about 8GB of free space to use however you want. You can even hide your own emails on there if you want.
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