About this product
Now I know what you're thinking. "Aren't cults bad?" Yes, but ours would be different. Here's how:
1. Uncharismatic Leader: We go out of our way to find an unattractive, uncharming person with a non-magnetic personalty and no capacity for psychological manipulation. Shouldn't be too tough.
2. Minor Revelations: The leader is only permitted to receive banal revelations from God. These can include things like: "Partly sunny days are ahead." "God has ordained that we order Domino's." And "Toledo is actually an OK town."
3. No Uniforms: No robes, no cloaks, no bonnets, no quasi-military medallions or weird occult symbols. (We're down to get softball jerseys if you want though.)
4. No Coursework or Stages to Complete: Who needs more student loan debt?
5. No Renouncing of Friends & Family: Unless they happen to be exceptionally dicky.