The Winter Olympics are about good ol' totally-non-gay competition. You know, like figure skating. And bobsledding. And tandem luge. And a whole bunch of other sports that involve colorful, skin-tight outfits.
This should have all been made clear by the totally non-gay Opening Ceremonies, which featured rainbow-colored uniforms by the German team, ballerinas twirling to non-gay Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake, and tributes to several other famously non-gay Russians like Gogol and Eisenstein.
We assure you, there's nothing gay here!
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