This Sh*t Writes Itself

William Shakespeare's Lost Sonnet

O! how much more doth beauty beauteous seem
By that sweet ornament which truth doth give.
The rose looks fair, but fairer we it deem
For that sweet odour, which doth in it live.
The canker blooms have full as deep a dye...

Hang on, cut the music for a second. Hi, reader, it's Will Shakespeare here. You know, I don't mean to come off as cocky, but this shit basically writes itself. I honestly don't know what the big deal is. Do you know that I invented almost 2,000 words on my own? So I'm literally just making up words as I go. You know who else made up words on the fly? Snoop Dogg. You think history will remember him as a literary genius?

Yup, I make up a bunch of schmancy words for linguists to guffaw over, toss in a few "haths" and "doths" for the drama majors, and -- BAM! -- instant classic every time. Seriously, there have been entire college courses taught about stuff I basically wrote on the crapper. Tellin' you, this shit writes itself.