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Confucius Says...

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What's the Deal With This Confucius Guy, Anyway?

In an amazing find, scholars have uncovered a previously unknown set of writings by Confucius that reveal a completely different side of the Chinese philosopher. The following is a sampling of the aphorisms found within.

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand. Except for karaoke. Never really got why that's popular.

When anger rises, think of the consequences. Then go ahead and fight that nightclub bouncer anyway. It's worth it.

Everything has beauty. In the case of naked mole rats, it's just buried, like, waaaay deep. Who am I kidding, those things are disgusting.

It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop. But do us all a favor and get out of the f--king fast lane.

He who will not economize will have to agonize. You feel me? Better recognize.


And perhaps the most surprising of all...

Think for your damn self.
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